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<\/a><\/h3>\nHere's what you need to know before your first counselling session. <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\nSo – you\u2019ve finally plucked up the courage to book your first session with a counsellor, psychotherapist, or arts psychotherapist.*\u00a0You’ve already struggled to deal with your problem by yourself.\u00a0And it’s really painful to admit to yourself that none of the strategies you’ve tried so far have worked.\u00a0Your problem is still there, and it hasn\u2019t gone away on its own – in fact, if anything, it might be getting worse.\u00a0And now there’s a sort of jittery feeling in your stomach as you wait for your first counselling session.<\/p>\n
The thoughts are circling around in your mind:<\/h3>\n
\u2018I bet they\u2019ll just tell me I’m making a fuss about nothing.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018Oh god. I hope I don\u2019t start crying.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n ‘What if I say something stupid?’<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018They\u2019ll probably think I’m weak for not managing to sort this out by myself.\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n ‘Will my problem freak them out???\u2019<\/em><\/p>\n \u2018What if they think I’m crazy?’<\/em><\/p>\nWorried that if you go to a counsellor, they'll say you're making a fuss about nothing? <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n Relax.<\/em> Take a slow, deep breath…. And take a long, long breath out.\u00a0Your first therapy or counselling session is probably going to be okay!<\/p>\n Let’s face it: meeting a stranger, and potentially revealing stuff to them that’s personal and private – stuff you don’t entirely understand yourself – is scary!<\/p>\n One thing that can help in this situation is to remind yourself that anxiety and excitement feel very similar. Maybe you are just excited at the prospect of finally finding someone who actually understands!\u00a0It’s also exciting to think that this, your first counselling session, is your first step on your path to overcoming the problems you’ve been struggling with. Butterflies in your stomach? Bring ’em on!<\/p>\nIt's normal to feel nervous when you first go to a therapist. <\/a><\/span>Share on X<\/a><\/span>\n Two things that nobody<\/strong> wants from a therapist are (1) judgement, and (2) pity. Luckily, good therapists don’t judge their clients, nor do they pity them.\u00a0To your counsellor, you are someone who is courageous. Someone who has done the best they know how. Someone who has tried bravely to overcome their difficulties.\u00a0Someone who is now doing the bravest thing of all: realising that there is a problem, and seeking effective help.<\/p>\n Also: even if your problem seems stupid or trivial to you, the fact that it’s important enough to seek help about, shows your therapist (and yourself) that actually, this stuff matters<\/em>. And there’s probably a good reason, deep-down, why you can’t just ‘let it go’ without addressing it properly.<\/p>\n Depth-oriented psychotherapists and counsellors generally start from the assumption that people’s problems tend to make deep psychological sense once you really look into them.\u00a0When you first come to therapy, neither you nor your therapist will know what’s driving or underlying your difficulties; but gradually both of you will begin to make sense of things.<\/p>\n And ‘crazy’ isn’t a helpful psychological term, anyway! Most therapists tend to be practical souls – if a label is not helpful, they won\u2019t see any point in using it. They are interested in what’s actually going to help get you to a place where you feel more whole, real and fulfilled.<\/p>\n Do you feel anxious about shedding tears? If you come from a background in which crying was somehow alarming, shameful or ‘not done\u2019, the answer\u2019s probably \u2018yes\u2019.\u00a0Weeping in your therapist’s office might at first feel well outside your comfort zone.\u00a0But you really don’t need to worry. A good, well-trained therapist knows that tears are not dangerous.\u00a0 When you cry, they aren’t going to feel destabilised, or anxious, or somehow superior.\u00a0Your therapist wants to help you reach the point where you can cry when you need to, without feeling overwhelmed or flooded by the emotion.<\/p>\n Your therapist will know that making the decision to come to therapy is a brave, strong step. You\u2019re not being weak! Weak people try to bury their issues, or push them away, not face them.\u00a0It\u2019s so much easier to do the weaker thing of blaming everyone else, rather than to hold your hand up and say \u2018I\u2019m struggling here \u2014 and I\u2019m going to own my part in my difficulties, and actually do something about it\u2019.<\/p>\n Many, many people come to therapy feeling embarrassed and inadequate because they haven\u2019t been able to manage their problems on their own.\u00a0But humans were designed to be interdependent! That\u2019s how our brains (and bodies) have been constructed. It’s not weakness; it’s how we’re built.<\/p>\n Stating the obvious? If you think that this goes without saying, you\u2019re one of the lucky ones. You\u2019ve got a head-start on your therapy journey! If you can trust your therapist from the start, you can quickly dive in to the issues you need to work on.<\/p>\n But if you feel wary and less trusting, that\u2019s quite normal. It can be a sign that you’ve suffered trauma<\/a>. Remind yourself that your therapist is trying to be alongside you, because they want to help you. It’s a good idea, too, to talk with your therapist about your doubts, and see whether they respond with understanding and compassion (good signs) or gets defensive and critical of you (not good signs).<\/p>\n For your brain to be in a state where it can change for the better, you need to feel relatively safe and fairly calm. And you need to feel that you are choosing<\/i> to be doing this work on yourself. If you feel forced or coerced in any way, positive changes won\u2019t happen.<\/p>\n Counselling and psychotherapy will only work with your permission. No one can make you reveal anything (or do anything) in counselling that is against your will.\u00a0Similarly, no-one can expect to be passive in therapy and achieve good results. Therapy can feel like really hard work at times. You will need to have the courage to face things that may be hard to face, and you will need to persist and keep on coming back when the going feels tough. Hard work \u2014 but SO worth it!<\/p>\n You’re probably looking for a therapist who you feel is wise, as well as being calm, empathic and clear-thinking. Does your therapist or counsellor meet these criteria? And are there any other attributes that are important to you, such as age, race or gender?<\/p>\n Counselling and psychotherapy work in the context of a relationship. It’s really important that you feel your therapist ‘gets you’, at least to some extent. If you leave your first counselling session feeling that this is someone you dislike and are unlikely to trust, you should probably look for another therapist.\u00a0If you can, shop around until you find someone who you sense is a good \u2018fit\u2019. They don\u2019t<\/em> have to have the same background as you, but there needs to be something about them that gives you hope that you\u2019ll be understood and helped.<\/p>\n Think your problem is so weird that the therapist will be appalled or confused by it?\u00a0Think again. If she\u2019s been in business for any length of time, the chances are that she\u2019s already come across someone who\u2019s been troubled by something similar. And even if she hasn\u2019t, she\u2019s probably read about this kind of thing in a book.<\/p>\n Yes, you are unique. But most problems are more common than you might think. Just because none of your friends and acquaintances seem to be afflicted with whatever you are struggling with, does not<\/em> mean that you are the only one in the world.<\/p>\n Often, family members or friends can help you through rough times. But sometimes a professional guide is needed,\u00a0who:<\/p>\n It depends on the nature of your problem, of course. If your difficulty feels like a very recent thing, not linked to more deep-seated issues in your personality, then a few sessions might be enough to give you some much-needed perspective on what’s going on, and practical tips on what to do.<\/p>\n But it’s quite likely that the particular issue that brought you to seek help may be linked to other ways you trip yourself up. If you have a sense that ‘this kind of thing keeps happening to me’ (even if you feel quite confused about what’s really going on) then you’ve already made a good start on getting to the root of things in therapy.<\/p>\n Through psychotherapy you can become a deeper, calmer, more grounded, more authentic version of yourself. But not instantly; deep and properly lasting change usually takes longer-term work.<\/p>\n At first this may feel quite odd, but it will probably also feel like a relief.\u00a0You’ll probably feel some sense that a load you’ve been carrying has shifted somewhat, or become slightly lighter.<\/p>\nAny of this sound familiar?<\/h4>\n
Here’s what you need to know before your first counselling session:<\/h2>\n
1. It’s normal to feel nervous<\/h3>\n
\u00a02. Your counsellor won’t be judging you<\/h3>\n
3. Your therapist won’t think you’re crazy<\/h3>\n
4. Crying is fine<\/h3>\n
5. You\u2019re not as weak as you think<\/h3>\n
6. The therapist is on your side<\/h3>\n
7. Therapy isn’t something that’s ‘done to you’<\/h3>\n
8. You need to have a reasonably good feeling about your therapist by the end of your first counselling session<\/h3>\n
9. The therapist has \u2018heard it all before\u2019<\/h3>\n
10. Counselling or therapy is very different from talking to a friend<\/h3>\n
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11. Change might take a while.<\/h3>\n
12. This is a place where your feelings get taken seriously<\/h3>\n